Island Life - JULY-DEC. 2004
Welcome to the 6th year of this weekly column. Issues published in past years can be viewed by clicking on the "Past Issues" hyperlink at the bottom of this page and by using the navigation bar below.
This site has been in continuous operation since late 1998.
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The 2004 set of issues has been split into two pages due to its large size. The complete printout exceeds 500 pages of 8.5 x 11 paper.
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DECEMBER 28, 2004
SPECIAL ISLAND-LIFE.NET REPORT - Southeast Asia tsunami
By now all of you have seen the TV and newsprint reports of the horrific disaster that overtook Southeast Asia and parts of Africa.
Island-life has obtained three home videos taken by tourists who filmed the tsunami coming in at their respective locations. This is not a joke report. If you download these videos, you will see honestly terrified people, scenes of violent destruction and you will see people die.
For a more controlled presentation, go to the photo sequence at http://www.pbase.com/issels/phuket_tsunami. The man you see being swept down by the water survived when another person grabbed him from the porch of the hotel and hauled him in.
Most of the tourist hotels, unlike the bamboo thatch bungalos, are built of concrete and thus managed to provide some temporary shelter during the tsunami -- as long as they stood three stories or higher. In one report a couple watched the wave hit from the third floor of their Thai hotel, but had to flee to the roof when water reached up to their ankles.
The wave was about 14 feet high -- as it hit the beach -- but that wave was followed by the pressure of several others piling water on top of what had surged in along a front several thousand miles long. One first hand account describes a helpless man desperately trying to back his car out to save his children and himself even as he watched his wife being swept to her death. The tremendous force of the water lifted the automobile up and burst the car like a grape, expelling the man and his children, who all miraculously survived by clinging to floating debris.
Here are the videos showing the awesome power of Nature. Rightclick and chose to download.
The initial report indicated that 37 people died there, but succeeding reports indicate that all of the people you see on the strand before the water hit have drowned.
Here are abstracts from the timeline, translated from German, as reported by Der Spiegel Online.
1:59 a.m. Central European Time (all times in CET): A severe earthquake strikes off the coast of the Indonesian island of Sumatra on Sunday morning just before 8:00 a.m. local time. A resident of the region alerts a local radio station and says that nine people were killed by a tidal wave. There was no immediate official confirmation but many coastal residents reportedly flee to higher ground.
The first reports concerning the strength of the earthquake are contradictory. While the Indonesian authorities report an earthquake with a strength of 6.6 on the Richter scale, United States geologists say the quake reached 8.1 on the Richter scale.
...
According to the press spokesman of the Meteorological and Geophysical Office in Jakarta, Indonesia, the epicenter was about 66 kilometers (41 miles)off the coast of Sumatra and about 25 kilometers (15.5 miles) below the surface of the ocean and well below the ocean floor. Shortly following the main quake, several severe aftershocks followed.Shortly afterward, a strong earthquake was registered in Bangladesh near the harbor town of Chittagong. According to geologists there, the trembler lasted one and a half minutes long and reached a magnitude of 7.3. Just as in Sumatra, the residents ran out onto the streets in panic.
4:43 a.m. CET: The number of victims is still assumed to be just nine; there still has been no official confirmation, however. The first reports of deaths from the tourist resort island of Phuket in Thailand come in. Exact numbers are not given.
US authorities communicate the exact strength of the first quake off the northwest coast of Sumatra: A magnitude of 8.9 instead of the original report of 8.1. With that, the quake becomes the most violent since 1964 and the fifth strongest since 1900.
Seismologists register yet another earthquake of 7.3 magnitude near the Andaman and Nicobar Islands in the Bay of Bengal. At roughly the same time, the tsunami slams into Sri Lanka and South India. (editor's note: about noon local time according to firsthand reports)
Firsthand reports from Southern India live on KPFA described unbelievable devastation, 40 foot fishing trawlers left resting on the crushed roofs of houses downtown and in the middle of city streets, thousands of bodies washing ashore. The inital reports of immediate deaths rose by the thousands almost by minute. At last report, we have over 80,000 people lost and that report is also considered to be an undervaluation of loss of life. No one is focussed upon Africa, but we have reports that entire villages have disappeared under a wall of water along the entire Horn of Africa, well over 2,000 miles from the earthquake epicenter.
A massive international relief effort is underway with everyone from Denmark to even the usually flinty-hearted George Bush offering millions in assistance. As we learn of relief efforts and the very important efforts to locate persons traveling in the affected region, we will post them here.
DECEMBER 26, 2004 (spellchecked & repaired)
RING OUT SOLSTICE BELLS
The sky is roiling up right now with a nasty look as if Sauron is brewing new devilment over the horizon even as chills winds come knocking about the jasmine and stripping all the remainder leaves from the oaks. Down the street the poplar stood disconsolately over the yellow gown which had been tossed down about her ankles on the sidewalk and blacktop in a fifteen foot circle all around.
If they had snow in Texas and Nebraska and Illinois, they sure as shooting are going to get another dock-walloper more of it for this storm is forecast to blow through for the next six days straight.
Took a walk the other night down by the strand, listening to the singing and parties and such floating out from the festively lit apartments that border Shoreline Drive. That side was all lights and music and laughter, but towards the ocean, the salt wind blew across dark sands. Now and then a seal or some other marsupial plashed away into the darkness. The tide was out, leaving pools shining under the nearly full moon, joined with causeways of firm sandbars that let one way out into the bay where the dropoff occurs and the water flickered in waves over to the glittering bulk of Babylon and South City.
The streets with their lamps and the holiday decorations stripped the black hills edging Hunters Point, which flared with its own industrial illuminations from the surviving port facilities. From the Crocker Amazon on north to the hump of Bernal Heights, over to the towers on Mt. Davidson and then across to the solitary Coit Tower, the lights all blended into chains of gold and gold beads. The outlines of the Embarcadero buildings appeared clearly like gold-edged boxes which seemed to join by depth illusion to the strands of pearls that defined the Golden Gate.
Have news from our sister, Beatrice, that the longest night of the year passed uneventfully and quietly, save for the occasional Wiccan and Druidical gathering. These things seem to have become less announced of late, given the present triumphalism of a particularly virulent brand of Xianity. Perhaps it is wise to keep a low profile during the ascendancy of proven bloodthirsty murderers.
Upstairs, our Wiccan in the House placed a fat stick of Toblerone with a nice card before the door of our Designated Tzadik. Not to worry: this chocolate is certified kosher.
There were a few celebrations here and there, but otherwise, this year was a very subdued time, with many of us scattered to smaller gatherings about the place.
Our resident Mother and Child both took the resident Dad up to Oregon, while our resident Republicans went to Illinois to enjoy the Conservative weather there.
Others split off locally to small dinners under candlelight in a kind of hush during wartime.
We had a small dinner with the kids and the assortment of dysfunctional family holiday movies that have become a tradition with us, save no one could obtain a copy of "Mixed Nuts" this time, which just means a fair number of others are starting to feel similar about the times. "Mixed Nuts" stars Steve Martin who runs a Suicide Hotline that is about to be evicted shortly after the Holiday for failure to pay rent. Madeline Kahn, in her final role, plays a coworker who gets stuck in an elevator on Christmas Eve, preventing her from attending her relative's dinner. Parker Posey skates through, dropping and ruining her family Xmas tree while a wildly pregnant and irrational Juliette Lewis throws her husband out on the street for being shiftless and losing his job as a shopping mall Santa. What else? Oh yes, everyone is terrified by periodic reports about a mysterious "Night Strangler" haunting the LA basin and the aforementioned husband, dressed in a Santa suit, has a serious accident, gets demented and accidentally shoots someone to death. The professional reviewers hated the movie intensely when it came out in 1994.
Did I say this was a comedy?
Its a family tradition and we missed it this time, but there was "The Ref" and "Life of Brian" to provide so all was not lost. The kids were delighted with their presents -- opened early on CE as they both had to retire to their variously separate families engaged in yet more and additional divorces (in California, if you have not been married at least twice, your neighbors begin to suspect you dislike people) and so with a flurry of wrapping paper and last nibbles it was all over and just as well for the heater has been broken for weeks and the landlord refuses to get it fixed properly.
Needless to say, we do not have much in common with the white-shoe tennis club crowd which never travels beyond the boundaries of its own perceptual limitations, however we may share an earnest desire for Peace, albeit differing in the means and the actualization.
To all our readers then, laughter with a tear in the eye, Peace on Earth -- ALL of Earth, and good will and best wishes to you.
"ROY, YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD. YOU ARE A VERY SICK MAN."
This item came courtesy of the World Health Organization which has itself received advance notice of an epidemic warning from the CDC.
"The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior and is called Gonorrhea lecthim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him"). Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, and in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially virulent strain.
Cognitive sequellae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea lecthim include, but are not limited to: Antisocial personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic
mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate new information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado; ignorance of geography and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies; and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior."This warning was issued worldwide sometime during the month of October, but due to the present Administration's policy on disease, which restricts free information flow in favor of strict chastity practiced along Xian Fundamentalist lines, along with abnegation of science, medicine and common sense, the warning is only now coming across to Americans.
This forwarded message courtesy of fellow Islander Mike Rettie.
IN OTHER NEWS
The latest flap is over the Main Street Ferry Terminal going out of commission due to a boat collision December 13th with the ferry dock. An Army ship docked nearby at the ship repair facility caused the damage. There are only two ferry terminals which carry people off of the two bridged islands that form the City, and the situation has been declared an emergency by the City council. About 500 people commute regularly to and from that terminus, in addition to occasional riders going to and from The City.
The Council has responded to voicings from the community to protect Islanders from large scale evictions such as the one recently executed at Harbor Bay Apartments where nearly 1,000 tenants got 90 day notices on the 3rd of November. The City dropped its lawsuit against the Texan company which owns the complex when a federal judge ruled that a municipality has no standing to file claim on behalf of residents. The rather obnoxious Fifteen Group, current owners, have filed a countersuit to the tune of $188,000 and they are pursuing. Mayor Beverly has publicly deplored the behavior of the Fifteen Group and its recalcitrance on cooperation. The F Group has responded that all actions have been entirely within the limits of the law.
With the Texans behaving so badly, it does appear they will earn rancor and difficulty from the City as the property owners pursue ambitious remodeling schemes that require detailed City permits.
As you sow, so shall you reap. Y'all.
THE YEAR IN REVIEW: 2004 MARKS THE NEW AGE
We have thought and we have thought and we have drunk endless cups of coffee in deep philosophical discussion in re: the shorthand character tag of This Age with respect to the prime movers and shakers. We know the 60's were tagged, "The Me Generation." This segued through the "Me Generation" which lasted well into the 80's. Then we were treated to "Generation X" the Undefined Market -- according to the advertising wonks. No one having any money, and the savage conservatism of the Reaganites having destroyed all sense of taste, we moved into the Age of the Bad Haircut, with the Mullet ruling the low end of the spectrum, and the soupbowl appearing dangerously near the higher seats of power, while many gave up entirely and shaved it ALL off, preferring to go Cranial Nude.
Now we enter the new millennium with wars being fought over petroleum deposits even as people insist on driving preposterously dangerous and antisocial vehicles like the SUV and the Hummer. We have abjurement of solid science in favor of nonsensical pseudo-medicine, inventive environmental studies which claim to reduce forest fires by cutting down all the trees, and creationism of the atmosphere which denies bald facts. B movie actors, professional wrestler entertainers and blatant numbskulls get elected to the highest offices in the land who sincerely hearken unto the message that sending all the jobs overseas is really good for labor and the economy at home and tossing "shiny pebbles" in the sky will protect all of us from ICBMs. Which no one has anymore except us and possibly the Chinese who know better.
Its quite clear, this is
There can be no other label more appropriate for the term "Dada" was already appropriated in the 20's.
And this year marks the pinnacle of moronic behavior as a retrospective reveals. But on to the retrospective.
First the national and international bad news. In 2004 the following public personalities passed on their respective rewards.
Christopher Reeve, famed actor who portrayed Superman and who continued the good fight after total paralysis that occurred after a bad fall from a horse, devoting millions to resolving the medical problems of paralysis. He was 52.
Marlon Brando, the Method actor above all others who made a name for himself playing tough guys in the movies and Stanley Kowalski in "Streetcar Name Desire", and who continued to provoke and challenge in any number of ways the increasingly staid Hollywood movie business up until the last hour of breath. He died this year at age 80.
Lose your appetite? Julia Child, the Epicurean with a zesty sense of humor passed on age age 91. "Always use fresh ingredients and remember: No snacking!"
Rodney Dangerfield, the stand up comic with bug-eyes, and one of the last of the old time "schmaltz circuit comics" finally earned some respect before his death at age 82.
Greatest loss this year was arguably the incomparable Ray Charles, a musical genius who fused gospel, blues, jazz, rock 'n roll and country music to blend the diamond and the pearl, earning himself accolades, worldwide honors and complete admiration from everyone he met. He is commemorated in the CD "Genius Loves Company" which features collaborative work between the great master -- blind since age 13 -- and many of the great musical lights of today. He was 73.
You may not know the name right off, but Eddie Adams was honored after his passing this year by virtually every newsprint media outlet around the world, for this photographer captured the nuances of the age from his informal photo of Louis Armstrong pondering with a sax in his lap before a performance in 1970, to the shocking photograph titled simply "South Vietnam's Police Chief Executing a Viet Cong Lieutenant," and which shows a man shooting another man in the head with a pistol on a city street. This photo garnered a Pulitzer Prize for Adams in 1969 and was instrumental in turning the tide of public opinion against the war in Southeast Asia.
And now for the really good news. They finally entombed the Great Confabulator so hated by so many for so long. It seemed he would drag on forever, drooling into his med cups and providing an inarticulate icon to conservative hatemongers everywhere. He was such an inarticulate chucklehead during his lifetime, it was easy to attribute any success, any victory, any rescue from disaster to him by the highly developed propaganda machine which had rammed its way like a juggernaut into every pressroom in the country, excepting the officially defined Opposition, defined characteristically as Liberal with attached perjoratives. They attributed the most preposterous and outlandish events upon him, including the economic fall of the Soviet Union, even though such fall occurred only from internal stresses and the efforts of millions of people working long before Ronald Reagan happened on the scene to take advantage of the press opportunities.
He was widely hated in California, which dumped him from his 2nd attempt at Governorship and which he revenged by so savaging the state budget that the consequences reverberated well into Gray Davis' ill-fated term, a length of time of some 35 years. He continued to punish the Golden State by withdrawing federal funding from thousands of programs, yanking support for its senators and congressmen in every proposed project and shunting lucrative projects, such as the atom supercollider, to conservative states.
When he died, it was said they had to finally bury him in an imperial aboveground tomb for every time they tried to lower him into clean California earth, an earthquake would erupt his rotten guts out again. And the night of his announced death, countless champagne parties were held across the state, as evidenced by this photo of an empty bottle of Moet, which runs for some $42 per magnum.
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In the east bay, the year began warmly within site of the Island when The Crucible held a Fire Opera Extravaganza with a pricey $100 per ticket opening night and presenting the opera "Dido and Aeneas".
A bit further from home, the entire country goggled and glommed over the spectacular success of the Martian expedition. Looking at this island-life exclusive, we can see clearly why, for the existence of Life on Mars is undeniable.
Meanwhile over in Babylon hizzoner Gavin Newsome gave everybody a turn when he let the city clerks proceed with same sex marriages and then prodded the city attorney to file suit on behalf of the couples provoking a national storm of controversy that continues to this day.
There was no love lost with the Saudis as gas prices shot up here in Feb. to 2.92 a gallon and to $3.02 in some places for a gallon of special 92 octane.
Locally the old Linoaks Motel went through a hiatus after condemnation before they finally tore the darn thing down by turning loose a bunch of teenage metal heads with big bass speakers and unlimited beer supply.
March also saw the fruition of the grassroots movements happening all across the country and in all manner of means, some, as here, simply to make a statement by the freeway, some more directly by volunteer phone banks and canvassers collecting a record number of new voter registrations that would culminate in one of the most contentious and divisive presidential elections in history.
Into April it became increasingly clear that Iraq was not going to be a walk in, walk out type of situation. Instead of flowers and songs, the Iraqis responded with stares and glares and, eventually, complete and total revolt. After the president declared "an end to major operations in Iraq", the bad news to the tune of 70 attacks a day, together with the grisly consequences began to flow back to the US through a choked sewer line of information.
Every time more bad news broke it seemed the entire world knew it before we did. Finally, the insult of propaganda censorship reared its head when a New York times photographer was canned in retaliation for publishing this photograph of American soldiers returning home.
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On the upside, the east bay began to consolidate its hold upon the bay area arts community as more and more artisans flee the high rents and intolerable attitudes of Babylon, where it seems only the already "successful" artist has venue and place. We had many gallery openings and celebrations, including this one in Oaktown at the ProArts Center, which featured live music and dancers in the gallery space.
In June we have a forgotten story in the massive dam break which flooded some 12 thousand acres of valley floor, destroying 250 homes and endangering the main water supply for the 10 millions living here in the bay area and surrounding metro areas for the main aqueducts from the mountains then lay underwater. Just as suddenly as it happened, the news disappeared from the front pages.
Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 came out to take advantage of the summer crowd and really put people into a political move such that if you did not have an opinion one way or another you had to be a shellfish.
In August we reported dismal job growth and presented this graph pulled from the API website. The Bushies were claiming there was no recession in 2001.
It was quite clear at that time that the economy was stumbling and the usual culprits were to blame. The GNP was terrible. The deficit was horrific. But the Bushies insisted on a hands-off approach, allowing the "market" to determine the future. Even then Europe was beginning to turn its back on the dollar.
The RNC came and went in NYC with all protests stifled vigorously and proactively. One need only appear on the street with a questionable T-shirt and one was hustled to a long abandoned pier in the Battery which seeped virulent chemicals that seared detainee's skin. People reported being held their without charge for well over 48 hours. No one was allowed to see an attorney or contact anyone outside. Then, when the convention was over, everyone was summarily released without charge.
By contrast the DNC convention in Boston in August was a shouting, exuberant celebration with no arrests at all and was highlighted by the rising stars in politics. One, Barack Obama, had conquered all odds and taken his homestate of Illinois by storm, helped somewhat by the revelation of sexual misconduct in his opponent Republican.
The other was the young Illana of our own Oaktown, who, commenting on Cheney's cursing "F--- You!" in the hallways of that august building The Capitol, said "When I say bad things I must do time out. Time out for you, Dick Cheney!"
September followed gloomy after the glorious celebrations in the Blackrock Desert at Burning Man for we inexorably crossed the morbid 1000 killed mark in Iraq, referring only to American soldiers. Some 8,000 had been horribly wounded and some 10,000 Iraqis had died, still not including the smattering of "coalition troops." Nationally, the mood begins to turn.
Here in conservative Alameda, a vigil was held for the first 1000 to die for Halliburton balance sheet, joining millions of others around the world.
In Brighton, England
In Copenhagen
In Washington, DC
In Dusseldorf
In Mexico City
In Leh Ladakh India.
In Paris
In Swarthmore
In Hong Kong
Spain withdrew its troops after a disastrous terrorist attack blew up a commuter train, and causing a major defeat to that nation's conservatives as the liberal party swept into power on the heels of popular outrage at the unpopular invasion.
October ratcheted up the political energy as tempers rose and fists flew and allegations of misconduct were flung in both directions at once.
Island-life joined a massive effort to see to it that this election went as it was supposed to. Several separate entities held their own monitoring efforts, with several foreign countries sending representatives of what before the year 2000 had been considered a sacrosanct process. We were part of the Common Cause/People for the American Way/Working Assets team which included some 10,000 volunteers from Working Assets alone, plus some 2,000 people from the Bay Area and an unknown number from New York, Detroit, Washington DC, Chicago and all of the various states plus yet more several thousand attorneys from all fifty states working pro bono. Never before had such an effort been undertaken on such scale.
At the end of the day, the common worry that the individual ballot machines were subject to tampering yielded to the fear that the central registries had been hacked and that various registries were compromised the old fashioned way -- by excluding observers until the results had been "secured". Island-life did a Blog with an hourly report from Miami Florida up until November 3rd.
Here you see the basic tools of the dedicated blogger: telephone, computer, glass of whiskey, digital camera and one familiar raven.
We still have the raven who has this to say about the RNC in power: "Nevermore!"
GWB claimed victory with a mandate, having only a preliminary advantage of some 1%, and stated that now he could do anything he wanted.
The rest of November and December involved itself with sad reiterations of the consequences of political failure. Scads of people fled the sinking Cabinet of Bush, expecting indictments and jail terms at any time. The ideologues who had promoted and theorized the whole construct fled in horror at the terrible realization of their demonic dreams, including Pearle and Wolfowitz from the Project for the New American Century. The death toll from Iraq now tops the 1300 mark and approaches the awful 2,000 mark even as 10,000 boys return, thanks to the protection of kevlar armor, without limbs, faces or any expectation of normal lives due to horrific war wounds that killed all only a few years previously.
Meanwhile the investigation into the terrible outing of an agent (Valerie Plame) working undercover has been buried beneath an official snowball of denial, allowing hundreds of people to die and allowing Al Qaida operatives to praise Allah for the wonderful gift given them in this revelation. And still the horrible war went on. And on. And on. Here a father calls out over the coffin of his 10 year old son, "He was 10 years old! Was he such a terrorist!"
And no one but no one has found the slightest indication of any Weapons of Mass Destruction which were the main public excuse for attacking a basically innocent country to begin with. It was all for money.
That was then the Year 2004: a dismal year of military and electoral and intelligence failures. Lets hope 2005 proves to be somewhat better. But we think not. Unless you yourself get involved and do something about it.
Or go a bit "off", like Harlan, the Madman of Lincoln Street. His latest offering on the art wall of his house remains as inexplicable and indecipherable as all the rest, but its somehow comforting that a fine madness can continue to prosper here or anywhere for that matter. Harlan is one who does not pretend to make "reality", for he does not bother with the concept at all, which is clear enough.
HERE COMES THE RAIN AGAIN
The end of year stats will have to wait until next time for we had to hustle on over to the apartment of the Significant Other to deliver a portable heater -- the landlord still has not fixed the damn thing and the place is an icebox with the wind and rain lashing down now. Can't hear the midnight train for all the banshees howling about the eves. Had to turn old Elwood off during the House of Blues Radio Hour, for the theme this evening was "Xmas Blues".
The casements are all rattling and the surface chop on the Bay is probably going crazy over the sands where we walked only a short time before down at the Strand. Harlan's signs are probably down in tatters, or he could be out there for all we know, with wild hair flying in the storm like some demented Lear furiously hammering plastic sheeting or some such thing over the latest creation of his. At least he doesn't hurt anybody and that is a good thing many saner types cannot claim. Across the street, however, the immense lighted wreath at Vines coffeehouse still shines through the murk and next to it the lighted frames of the plant nursery glow protectively about their invisible green charges like a distant temple of Shangri La.
The storm has begun, clearly enough, and bad weather is upon us all, with no sign of letup for years to come. On this Island we have a few lights and imagination to get us through in this time. We do not pretend to "make Reality here" for we all know well enough that if anything were to happen beyond control, step on a landmine or pass an IED for example, reality will make you, and its enough just to deal with what is. If we make anything, we make sculptures, felt scarfs, glasswork, music and other beautiful things. For that is the way it is on the Island. Have a great week.
DECEMBER 19, 2004
SANTA GOT A D.W.I., DODGING AND WEAVING ACROSS THE SKY
"Santa got a D.W.I, dodging and weaving across the sky
They pulled him over on a little housetop
And there they caught him with a bottle of peppermint schnapps
They impounded his sleigh
I don't know what to do
the reindeer will probably wind up in the old County Zoo
'Cause Santa got a D.W.I. . . ."lyrics by Sherwin Linton
Well its that time of year again. All kinds of people are on the road at times when they otherwise would be sitting behind office desks, hunting for that special tchotchke for Aunt Mable and that fantod encased with a bell jar they remember last seeing at Zaks, or Cost Plus, or Zabars, or maybe Costco has it and it would be perfect for Emund, Oscar and the Zatopec family down the hall.The net effect of all this rambling about on the Nimitz Freeway is an unfortunate and worse than usual consternation of the roadway. That is really the only way to put it. Last Friday we had a marvelous pileup of 14 cars in a series of related accidents. It was so bad that the KFOG Traffic Copter stopped listing all of the trouble spots and said simply, "Well if you are planning on driving anywhere right now in the Bay Area, you can forget it; its bad all over."
Many of the most classic traffic entertainments and obfuscation tactics have been observed lately. There was the Stealth Turn, the Rambunctious Triple Lane Change maneuver, the Slow Down in the Fast Lane and the Devious Freeway Meander, as well as the Clever Divider Hop, not to mention the Left Turn Lane Refusal to Proceed until Driving straight forward through the intersection Tactic.
Leave it to Pagano's Hardware to make light of the Season via their famous thematic display window.
Here we have the Old Guy and the Grande Dame, once again engaged in a convivial gathering. It appears, however, that both of them seem to have had a trop du vin, and the dignified lady has passed out into the plate of cheese and crackers.
A closer look reveals the Grande Dame has company which does not sleep up on the table with her (arrows mine).
Mice running loose in the house! Well are there not safeguards here against such invaders? Let us examine the condition of the mousetraps.
Good heavens! The wiley rascals have not only made off with a baked potato, peas and corn on the cob, but they have filched all the traps and stolen the bait! And they are carrying off the goods to where? A closer look reveals an entire world below the floorboards. A Mouse food processing plant, houses, legal courts, automobiles, furniture and even an ice skating pond! All just beneath the feet of the Old Man and the Lady.
Proving that even mice have a sense of legality -- if not of justice -- a very very close look reveals this barrister trying to drum up business.
SOMEBODY STOLE MY SANTA CLAUS SUIT"Somebody stole my Santa Clause suit
Somebody ripped off my beard, hat 'n boots.
Some joker is running around dressed in red
If I catch him he'll be better off dead!"lyrics by Dan Hicks
A long-standing tradition on the Island is the cooperative lighting of Thompson Street by the inhabitants there with the participation of Island Power and Telecom. Most of the old neighborhoods around the Bay Area also have similar events, and the results never fail to be spectacular displays. This year there were more than the usual assortment of Grinch figures along with the reindeer, snowmen and jolly St. Nicks.
A post office box is located on the median with clear instructions to good boys and girls that all letters dropped therein will be sent posthaste to the North Pole and marked For Eyes Only.
Most of the light animals seen here are animatronic, and so will move their heads back and forth or up and down as pedestrians pass by.
And for some odd reason, flamingos appeared in great numbers. Here we have a troop of them rigged with antlers, pulling a sleigh through the "Reindeer Intersection", while a small polar bear wearing a red cap chugs on a bottle of coca cola.
And here we have a teetering Santa flailing wildly as he struggles to regain his balance on the roof.
EVERYBODY DESERVES MUSIC
Without further ado, here is the official Bill Graham Presents concert calendar.
Just Added Shows!
Ashlee Simpson
Event Center at San Jose State University
San Jose, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=207036&source=EWKLY
Tuesday, February 22 at 7:00 PM
On Sale Sunday, December 19 at 10:00 AMPhil Lesh & Friends
Bill Graham Civic Auditorium
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=207096&source=EWKLY
Saturday, February 12 at 6:00 PM
On Sale Sunday, December 19 at 10:00 AMScissor Sisters
The Warfield
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206426&source=EWKLY
Sunday, January 30 at 8:00 PM
On Sale Sunday, December 19 at 10:00 AMThe Naked Trucker and T-Bones Show
The Fillmore
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=207113&source=EWKLY
Saturday, January 29 at 8:00 PM
On Sale Sunday, December 19 at 10:00 AMLuna
The Fillmore
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206728&source=EWKLY
Saturday, February 5 at 9:00 PM
On Sale Sunday, December 19 at 10:00 AMSoul Sirkus featuring Neal Schon
The Fillmore
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=207194&source=EWKLY
Thursday, January 13 at 8:00 PM
On Sale Sunday, December 19 at 10:00 AMThe I'm Rich Biatch Tour with Charlie Murphy
Punch Line Comedy Club - San Francisco
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=207197&source=EWKLY
Wednesday, January 12 at 12:00 AM
On Sale Monday, December 20 at 10:00 AMThis Week's Shows!
SF Comedy Showcase
Punch Line Comedy Club - San Francisco
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=207015&source=EWKLY
Sunday, December 19 at 9:00 PM
On Sale Now!
______________________________Monday Comedy Sessions
Punch Line Comedy Club - San Francisco
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=207016&source=EWKLY
Monday, December 20 at 9:00 PM
On Sale Now!
______________________________Upcoming Shows!
Ngaio Bealum
Punch Line Comedy Club - San Francisco
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206685&source=EWKLY
Wednesday, December 22 at 12:00 AM
On Sale Now!
______________________________Bobby Slayton
Punch Line Comedy Club - San Francisco
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206798&source=EWKLY
Sunday, December 26 at 12:00 AM
On Sale Now!
______________________________Joe Satriani
The Fillmore
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206846&source=EWKLY
Sunday, December 26 at 8:00 PM http://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206852&source=EWKLY
Monday, December 27 at 8:00 PM
On Sale Now!
______________________________Will Downing
Paramount Theatre
Oakland, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206630&source=EWKLY
Friday, December 31 at 7:00 PM
On Sale Now!
______________________________The Les Claypool Frog Brigade
The Fillmore
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206674&source=EWKLY
Friday, December 31 at 9:00 PM
On Sale Now!
______________________________New Years Eve Comedy Countdown
Palace of Fine Arts
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206794&source=EWKLY
Friday, December 31 at 9:30 PM
On Sale Now!
______________________________Black Comedy Explosion!
Paramount Theatre
Oakland, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206759&source=EWKLY
Friday, December 31 at 11:30 PM
On Sale Now!
______________________________VNV Nation
The Fillmore
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=205837&source=EWKLY
Thursday, January 6 at 8:00 PM
On Sale Now!
______________________________Handsome Boy Modeling School POSTPONED
The Fillmore
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206758&source=EWKLY
Friday, January 7 at 9:00 PM
Postponed
______________________________Bill's Birthday Party!
The Fillmore
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=207056&source=EWKLY
Saturday, January 8 at 7:30 PM
On Sale Now!
______________________________
If you must know, we will be attending the Ledisi concert on Xmas Eve at the intimate venue of Yoshi's at Jack London Square.A HARD RAIN IS GONNA FALL
If that lunatic in the White House thinks he is going to cakewalk through another four years he is sadly mistaken, for the outrage is growing and the forces mobilized to defeat him at the National Election are now rolling up their collective sleeves. People are starting to come together like they have not come together in a very long time and the next item on the agenda will be collective protests at the Inauguration in January. Several thousand people are planning on showing up, only to turn their backs to the Pretender when he perjures himself again on a stack of bibles. Code Pink is planning a large protest march and has obtained the necessary permits. While the Secret Service and DC police likely will prevent forcibly any repeat of what happenedafter the 2000 election fiasco, when the Presidential Motorcade was pelted with eggs, there are many who are doing there best to send a loud and clear message to the World that this country is by no means solidly behind the ideas and policies of a bunch of incompetent maniacs.
THIS SCEPTERED JEWEL SET IN AN EMERALD SEA, THIS ISLAND
In other news, the latest flap is over the planned Indian Casino, which Oakland City Hall wants badly for economic reasons, but which the Island and local Oaktowners revile by reason of the subsidiary social problems anticipated to be caused by the new facility. Opponents cite potential compulsive gambling, domestic violence, traffic, liquor problems, suicide and environmental damage to the neighboring wetlands. Planners are budgeting only 2 million dollars to handle the increased traffic anticipated by the Casino, which is "about 100 million short" as stated by former Planning Board Member Lee Harris at a recent meeting. This is, after all, an Island, with limited means of access and the Casino will sit directly opposite one of the main bridges. Stay tuned for developments.
In the news regarding the troubled Harbor Bay complex, from which over 400 tenants were evicted recently, the proposed plans for the renovation -- the entire reason the people were supposedly evicted -- have drawn the ire of the city Council with unappetizing fencing and landscaping designs that seem bent on turning the place into a collection of upscale condominiums instead of a reasonable rental location for moderate income tenants.
A candlelight vigil was held before City Hall on December 7th to send a message to the owners and an appeal to allow the remaining few tenants remain.
GOING TO WAIT UNTIL THE MIDNIGHT HOUR
The Putamayo World Hour has gone off the air and Rosalee Howarth has so long and safe travel with Dan Storper and we are now into the Sunday Night Jam Session with a bit of Phil Lesh and Friends on the stereo. Taking a walk through the dark apartment to refill the glass and clear the head, all is silent out there except for the burble of the aquarium pump. At the window looking out, all the color has left the world, which renders itself into the chiascuro lines of walls and the outlines of trees. After all the hectic bustle of the last few days no sirens chirp in the distance, no horns honk, no one is screaming. The Island sleeps tonight as the fog begins to roll in.
Next week, obviously is the last issue of the year and we will have some treats for you good girls and boys. Like all the rest of the tedious Media, we will do a retrospective of the year in words and in pictures and some updated stats on the visitors to this site.
Last we checked, we had become searcheable by google.com, altavista, and a couple other search engines. Over 400 people were visiting on the weekends and Verisign became interested enough to begin courting us with a special assigned customer service rep.
As Curly used to say, "Oy, hoity toity!" Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
It's the end of another dreadful year and tomorrow the sun comes up at the start of another impossible day. But I like to remember the marvelous words and voices of the Thrills when they sang, in barbershop quartet style, "the only measure of a man at the end of the day / is the love you leave behind when you're gone." Or like Gimli's words near the end of the Lord of the Rings, "An impossible task and sure to kill us all. Well then, what are we waiting for?"
Even now, like another Mount Doom, Shasta has come alive again with flowing lava and poisonous jets of fume. A sulphurous reek lies on the land. Torture practiced and permitted. Wholesale detentions without cause and without legal recourse and with no limit set on length of incarceration. The most contemptible behavior is now encouraged and the rule of law cast aside. In the coming days, whatever your part may be, each of us must play his and her part well for we have given over to others our rule and they have not done well.
One day I believe this Nation will once again hold up her head high with pride among the other nations of the Earth, with pride and not arrogance. We must fight for that day for that day will never come if we allow the present fools and madmen to continue as they have, slaughtering the innocents and ruining the birthrights of succeeding generations in every way imaginable.
Ah, there it is, echoing across the flats and sedge grasses growing along the old Beltline rail, now idle and long unused. There it comes, a long peal, a howl, a cry in the night, the blast of the through-passing train departing the Port after midnight and gliding through the dark and empty Jack London Square, clack-clacking across the water with clear snaps and muffled rumbles. That call comes each night and I sometimes stay awake just to hear it. Sometimes sad, ripping memories from the stain of tear-soaked years, reminding me of lost opportunities and friends who have died, sometimes terrible, like the inexorable Judgement of a vengeful God reminding me of death and all things I cannot change, and sometimes, like tonight, the honking call of an old friend gone phlegmy in the throat but still there after all these years, reminding of the comforting persistence of things over the telephone of distance and fog.
Those of you out there beyond the circle of light cast by the reading lamp in this small cube, may you also find such a voice, such a friend. If you seek, surely, you will find.
That's the way it is on the Island. Have a great week.
DECEMBER 12, 2004
INCIDENT AT SEAL ROCK - ISLAND-LIFE EXCLUSIVE !
Got insider info this afternoon a few hours ago about a contratemps between overly officious Officials belaboring the Homeland Security Act and injuring the rights of honest Americans engaged in a regularly scheduled sporting event in the Bay.
Appears that round about three pm, the monthly Bridge Crossing swim which involves members of the Seal Rock Swimming Club began winding up its activities as usual by finishing its customary long distance swim under the Golden Gate Bridge -- an energetic swim through frigid 50 degree water which has killed every attempted escaper from Alcatraz located not far off.
The organizers of the event typically arrange for permits with the Coast Guard and local police authorities before hosting the actual event and in this case there was no exception in the required paperwork.
But as exhausted swimmers, who had just swum some two miles in virually open ocean and notoriously choppy water were being assisted to the Rock, an official ordered everyone -- via bullhorn -- to evacuate the Rock immediately. To leave the remaining swimmers to flounder in the suddenly deadly Bay. The assistants refused and shouted that they had Coast Guard permission.
To their great astonishment, the Voice announced that "the Coast Guard had no jurisdiction here." !
We at Island-Life felt this to be a bit beyond belief -- that the Coast Guard, which is required for any and all boarding of any vessels by any US entity (including the US Navy) has no authority over a rock located in the San Francisco Bay. So we checked with an official of the Coast Guard who stated that the bullhorn probably belonged to someone part of the Golden Gate Park Authority and that it was patently nonsense to say the Coast Guard "had no authority" on or in any coastal waterway as the Coast Guard is the nominated official Police Protection of the coastline.
We asked him what the people should do under such circumstances and here are his words verbatim, "Heck, I would have turned my back and continued about my business and if he persisted I would have told him to kindly f---- off."
The Golden Gate Bridge operates under a quasi-State-Federal agency as both termini result in federally controlled parkland while the bridge itself is a component of the State's Caltrans, which handles all the highways and connectors. Consequently, responsibility for security over the Bridge has hopped from agency to agency and several parties assert final authority -- whatever that might mean -- even as an already existing entity was supposed to handle "preservation" affairs. This latter agency is called the GGNRA and has liberty to solicit funds from the public as a nonprofit entity.
On last report, all swimmers were successfully pulled from the water which is likely to get quite hot after this affair, for the Coast Guard does not like being told it "has no jurisdiction" even as it sends men in harms way into the maelstrom of the Middle East. Stay tuned for further developments.
Various local groups have performed this swim for some 150 years here.
BENEATH THE SOUTHERN CROSS
All hearts here are with the 170 man crew of the Coast Guard cutter Monro which departed here December 6 to support the miliary effort in Iraq. The Coast Guard is required -- due to statutes that go back to its inception in 1790 -- to be present to board any and all foreign vessels no matter how far from national borders. The Navy has no authority to board and search a suspected vessel -- unless a member of the Coast Guard is present. The Navy may fire upon and sink a ship with local impunity -- however that clearly has implications reaching beyond authority.
Such is the nature of Law. It may be cumbersome and labyrinthine but it may be the Navy possesses the last vestige of Law as it was meant to be.
For Maritime Law is very old, far older than the United States or even Great Britain. The origins of this law go back to the time of the Vikings and the Icelandic Sagas and beyond. Maritime Law may be the most pure form of the Law that we have.
On the confines of a ship bound only by the limitless confines of the Ocean, only Custom and Law has kept order and control for some three thousand years.
As it was said to another in different circumstances a long time ago, "What if you were to chase your Devil down, hacking down all hedges of law and all borders of protection, and tear down all walled encumbrances of the law and all the god-given gates and finally to face your Demon you have hunted down the ages, alone and without all those protections and this Demon turns on you at last, this Demon who was great enough to oppose God and all the angels, what would you do then? You who are nothing. You alone without the protection of the Law you have torn down. What would you do then?"
Law bedamned. Women and childrned stood on the dock in tears to say good bye. The cutter is likely to spend the next eight months providing maritime security, interception, and protection. Here then, was the ultimate cost of a wayward diplomacy and a headstrong policy. Families crying out across the deepening water as the ship that should have been protecting local waters sailed off to a distant, quesionable war.
In barely two months even the "extended deployments" will have exhausted all time devoted to this foolish enterprise.
OFFICER KRUMKEY GIVE ME A BREAK
Well, you cannot fault Officer O'Madhauen of the Island PD for the same indolence practiced by Officer Krumkey of West Side Story. A 63 year-old woman was abducted in Richmond, assaulted and then abandoned in the Island South Shore Parking Lot. Various people were caught carrying various illegal drugs and a woman was booked for assault with a deadly weapon after stabbing her boyfriend in the shin with a knife -- she must be either very short or have an extraordinarily tall boyfriend.
But the big news in the Island Gerbil's Police Page was the outrageous escape of a middle-aged man from a traffic stop just as the officer was walking up to the driver's side window to speak to the scofflaw who had been clocked going 40 in a 25mph zone. Police say, however, they have a good lead on positively identifying this extraordinary felon and may God avert his eyes when they catch him.
In the case of the abducted woman, the speed limit was maintained on all major and minor roads and no traffic ordinances were violated, hence the perps got clean away.
THERE'S A PHONE BOOTH IN HEAVEN
Been listening to the latest Jim White CD and its a toe tapper. Jim White is the former fashion model, Evangelical Baptist preacher and classical guitarist whose right hand was mangled in a particularly horrifying factory accident. He went through a spectacular reverse-conversion of sorts and had the remains of his hand fixed in a permanent position to hold a flatpick. Lately he has had a hit on heavy rotation in the form of a duet with Aimee Mann called "Static on the Radio". His live performances have tended to be quirky as well as delightfully infused with a fresh sense of humor. The title of the new one is called "Dig a Hole in the Substrate and Tell Me What You See".
HAVE A BLUE XMAS/SOLSTICE/CHANNUKAH/KWAANZA
Yes we all deplore the rabid commercialization of the Holiday time, from Jew to gentile it seems there is no escaping it. Buy if you must, but there are alternatives to feeding change to the maw of Moloch besides buying gifts exclusively from artist tables on Solano Avenue or the Craftwomen's Fair at Fort Mason or any place where worthy handmade things can be gotten.
One enterprising group has compiled a list of big donors to the two biggest political parties in the US and his site can be found at http://www.buyblue.org/bluexmas.html.The list is clearly and succinctly tabled into two columns by category of Departmen Store, Retail Chain, Grocery etc. No need to deplore the effects of a single Election Day, for you can vote with your pocketbook every day of the week all year every year now.
There are other lists like this one for you to make your comparisons, usually featuring environmental issues. And on an extended note, Working Assets has a credit card, as does REI, which chips in profit percentages to worthy causes. So cut up that old, irresponsible Chase/AMEX or whatever -- call and tell your bank what you are doing and why. Tell them you want to use, instead, "A socially responsible card", then hie on over to Working Assets and apply. And feel good about spending for once.
IF JESUS DROVE A MOTORHOME
Well the remains of the day have been swept under the rug and the week is starting all over again as the big digital clock on the wall clicks over to 00:00. It's a serviceable 24 hour clock which never fails to unnerve people who happen to drop by around 14:04 in the afternoon. Lately the frosty nights have yielded after some big wind to heavy fog, but the weekend was glorious and sunny here. The booth has been set up out next to Pagano's Hardware, selling the new line of T-shirts. All over the Island, people are putting our their festive displays, albeit more subdued this year than in times past. Its the fifth night of Channukah, the Festival of Lights and we all like light here.
That's just the way it is on the Island. Have a great week.
DECEMBER 4, 2004
CORRECTION
The photo of the imaginary computer of 1953 posted last week was an hoax -- but we don't feel so bad about being taken in, for the photo was posted inside Popular Science magazine.
The photo is actually of a present day mockup at the Smithsonian museum in Washington DC of a engineer's control room for a submarine.
Here is the original, undoctored photograph.
The hoaxer replaced all contemporary visual cues with 1950's era images and added the image of the man wearing period attire. And for your information we have always liked Dan Rather. But we certainly can sympathize with the fellow more than ever now.
ARS EST VITA, FAMA BREVIS, DICTA LONGA ET MALANo jokes about the proper gender of "dicta", please. This is a family column.
Toddled up to Montclair with emissaries from the House to check out the new opening of a show involving 20 glass artists.
The show featured a range of the more interesting forms from artists who take conventional ideas and turn them a bit sideways to obtain suprising results. Glass as a medium is unusual in that its luminosity renders the hard and brittle into fluid shapes filled with air and light.
The artists appeared to derive their shapes from the tapered bottoms of ancient Greek amphorae, when working with vessels, and from woodcuts, when working with panels. In this layered piece, a luminescent moon is embedded into a half-inch thick plate with other opaque shapes slumped into the uneaven surface.
Here, the artist Niel Taikeff has merged geometric designs seamlessly into a perfectly smooth finish while creating the illusion of 3-dimensionality.
The brittle quality of the material lends a special fragility to the artworks. No wonder these vases here are hung up well out of reach of housepets and toddlers -- each piece will set you back a cool $1,500.
Outside the streets were packed with carolers and revelers of every description attending various events taking place in this tiny village nestled in the Oaktown foothills, despite temps that were dropping to a frosty sub 32 -- cold for this part of California.
CALLING ON FOR COPSHAWLHOLM FAIRThe good folks up in Albany are again hosting weekend promenades for the Holiday Season, featuring craft booths and tons of music up and down the length of Solano Avenue. It promises to be smaller than the stupendous summer "Solano Stroll", which has been known to bring in folks by the hundred thousands, but there shall be all sorts of jugglers and dancers and music and food and jumping up and down and revelry of all descriptions.
Why shop in a stuffy old Department Store when all your senses can be gratified at any one of the Bay Area's festivals.
Here's the 411 from the Press Release: "Make your holiday experience fun! Delight in lively street performers -- jazz bands, carolers, talking trees, and toy soldiers during the holiday season on the weekends all along Solano Avenue in Berkeley & Albany. Santa will take time out of his busy schedule to stroll along upper Solano on Saturday, Dec. 11 and on lower Solano on Dec. 18 from 1-3PM. For a real treat on Dec. 24, ride the free cable car up and down Solano and along San Pablo Ave. 1-5PM. Visit www.solanoave.org for entertainer's schedules & locations."
Here are the performers and times scheduled for next week on Solano Avenue.
Saturday, Dec. 11
Alan Smithline - Guitar 1 1631 Tibetan Gift House
Berkeley-EB Humane Society 1 1561 Peralta Park
Fine Art Face Painting 1 1230 Five Little Monkeys
Pete Olson - Guitar 1 1249 Ray's Tree Lot
Santa 1 1561 Arrives/Strolls up Solano
Squirrelly String Band 1 1274 Casa Oaxaca
Tinker's Damn 1 1850 Andronico's
Trish NiGabhain-Irish Harper 1 1749 Sarber's Cameras
AHS Trumpet Quartet 3 1394 Long's Drugs
Pete Madsen - Guitar 3 1749 Sarber's Cameras
Michael McMorrow - Guitar 3 1127 Royal Ground CoffeeSunday, Dec. 12
O-Face! A Cappella 1 1744 Pharmaca
Rev. Rabia - Guitar 1 1127 Royal Ground Coffee
Gassy Bones - Trombones 1 1561 Peralta Park
Tinker's Damn 1 1865 KNA Copy
Con Alma 3 1230 Sweet Potatoes
Devin Hess & Mark Zucker - Guitar 3 1249 Ray's Tree Lot
Ole & Eliot - Banjo, Fiddle, Clarinet 3 1820 La Farine
Teresa Yu - Violin & Viola 3 1741 By Hand
Never heard of the most famous Copshawholme Fair? Well, here is an excerpt from the song of that name. It is to be sung with a rousing, lusty voice to the strong beat of a drum while carrying a full tankard of very good ale.Copshawholme Fair
On a fine eve'n fair in the month of Avril
O'er the hill came the man with the blythe sunny smile
And the folks they were throngin' the roads everywhere
Makin' haste to be in at Copshawholme Fair!I've seen 'em a-comin' in from the mountains and glens
Those rosy-faced lasses and strappin' young men
With a joy in their heart and unburdened o' care
A'meetin' old friends at Copshawholme Fair!There are lads for the lasses, there's toys for the bairns
There's jugglers and tumblers and folks with no arms
There's a balancing act here and a fiddler there
There are nut-men and spice-men at Copshawholme Fair!There are peddlers and potters and gingerbread stands
There are peepshows and poppin-darts and the green caravans
There's fruit from all nations exhibited there
With kale plants from Orange at Copshawholme Fair!traditional
EVERYBODY DESERVES MUSIC SWEET MUSICSomehow we got press credentials without the benefits -- i.e. free drinks backstage. Any hoot Bill Graham Presents has been gracing us with the official concert calender each month and by revision.
So here goes, from BGP comes the straight dope on upcoming events.
Sting
Event Center at San Jose State University
San Jose, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206695&source=EWKLY
Friday, April 1 at 7:30 PM
On Sale Sunday, December 05 at 10:00 AM
______________________________Just Added Shows!
Joe Satriani
The Fillmore
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206852&source=EWKLY
Monday, December 27 at 8:00 PM
On Sale Sunday, December 05 at 10:00 AM
______________________________New Years Eve Comedy Countdown
Palace of Fine Arts
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206794&source=EWKLY
Friday, December 31 at 9:30 PM
On Sale Sunday, December 05 at 10:00 AM
______________________________Black Comedy Explosion!
Paramount Theatre
Oakland, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206759&source=EWKLY
Friday, December 31 at 11:30 PM
On Sale Friday, December 03 at 12:00 PM
______________________________Handsome Boy Modeling School
The Fillmore
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206758&source=EWKLY
Friday, January 7 at 9:00 PM
On Sale Sunday, December 05 at 10:00 AM
______________________________Ani DiFranco
The Warfield
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206733&source=EWKLY
Friday, February 18 at 8:00 PM
On Sale Sunday, December 05 at 10:00 AMYes, its far in advance, but if you have ever had a chance to catch this lady's act, you know why you want to get your tickets ASAP.
______________________________Everclear
The Fillmore
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206231&source=EWKLY
Wednesday, December 8 at 8:00 PM
On Sale Now!
______________________________Dave Koz and friends
Nob Hill Masonic Center
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=203927&source=EWKLY
Friday, December 10 at 8:00 PM
On Sale Now!
______________________________Los Lobos
The Fillmore
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206104&source=EWKLY
Friday, December 10 at 9:00 PM http://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206105&source=EWKLY
Saturday, December 11 at 9:00 PM
On Sale Now!
______________________________The Hives with special guests The Bronx and The Deadly Snakes The Warfield San Francisco, CA
http://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=205594&source=EWKLY
Saturday, December 11 at 8:00 PM
On Sale Now!
______________________________Joe Satriani
The Fillmore
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206846&source=EWKLY
Sunday, December 26 at 8:00 PM
On Sale Now!
______________________________Will Downing
Paramount Theatre
Oakland, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206630&source=EWKLY
Friday, December 31 at 7:00 PM
On Sale Now!
______________________________The Les Claypool Frog Brigade
The Fillmore
San Francisco, CAhttp://cc.com/cc-common/events/buy_ticket_cce.html?eventID=206674&source=EWKLY
Friday, December 31 at 9:00 PM
On Sale Now!
The first of the KFOG charity events in the Concerts for Kids went off well by all report. The second show will feature the New Orleans powerhouse family The Neville Brothers paired with the exquisitely talented Shawn Colvin. Rumor has it this show is gonna rock.Also upcoming this month is the annual Not So Silent Night, featuring Modest Mouse with about eight other bands in a blessed return to the Kaiser Aud from the execrable and echoing San Jose "Shark Tank".
We have tickets to see and hear the incomparable jazz artist Ledisi at the intimate Yoshi's Nightclub on the 24th. The last time we saw this woman perform, swear on a stack of bibles, the woman levitated and spun in the air in mid song. I am not joking!
Your money spent on live music will help starving artists, improve the economy, and lower crime -- for while they are performing and practicing they will not be breaking into your house to swipe your precious TV set. Live music is fun, it fosters general good vibes, it improves the environment and besides, its good for you.
THE OPD HAS A BLOND MOMENT
Got word from the Clinics down in Fruitvale that the OPD picked up and incarcerated a man who had made suicide threats to his sister. Reason for detention: Homeland Security. Under the new law, the man had threatened to kill someone -- nevermind that the person referenced happened to be himself -- and therefore was automatically a terrorist suspect.
When, after 24 hours it became clear the man was neither Middle-Eastern in descent nor a terrorist in any way shape or form, the OPD turned him out onto the street without ceremony.
His body was found at the base of the Park Street Bridge not twelve hours later. This was clearly a case for Officer O'Madhauen, for the process of suicide must almost certainly held up traffic after the act.
ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF LIFE
When times are troubled, one turns naturally to consolation in the words of the great man, Brian. The Life of Brian was not nearly as nasty, bloody, brutish, and violent as anything depicted by Mel Gibson -- which I take to be a significant advantage, however I realize many do not agree with this opinion -- however Brian kept his wits and his sense of humor about him and that is always a very good thing. Or things. Whatever.
The Putamayo World Music Hour is winding up -- this evening's show highlighted the music of South Pacific Islands which are disappearing under the rising seas caused by the global warming which Bushy and Co. refuse to acknowledge. Yet more losses we hear about in a litany that seems these days to be never ending. Outside the windows, the cold starless sky smudged with cloud, yielding occasionally to the blinking lights of a plane taking off from Harbor Bay Island to the southeast. Lately the cold has set in with a vengeance and the reports had warnings of snow coming down to the 3,000 foot level. Well, this is California after all and cold is not something that agrees with us any more than the extremes of heat and humidity so endemic of the East.
Well, there are some things to be thankful for around here. Count your blessings, after they are hatched, for it does no good to complain -- nobody will listen anyway.
Walking down by Crab Cove among the cinders of the last Thanksgiving Day Poodleshoot, kicking aside the stray spent bullet cartridges and dodging the yet undefused ordinance which failed to explode, passing the still threatened Courts and the tatters of various bibles, its difficult to find solace knowing that several poodles escaped and much good whiskey was spilt. Still, nobody got seriously hurt or ex parte excommunicated and we'll all live, god willing, to see another famous Poodleshoot another year.
And now I am thinking of religion and of spirituality -- two very different things. For one, the recent disaster of the national elections have brought up the issues of Church and State seperation and for two, Angels in America -- in the HBO version. Based on the award-winning play, the movie uses the AIDs plague, as set during the dark ages of the 1980's when there was no hope in sight, to present a modern morality play. Yes, it is an eight hour long movie, but it should be required viewing by everyone and anyone who claims to have an interest in matters of the spirit.
Why this concern about Angels and the Spirit right now? Well, I have this closet full of shirts given me by a guy named Robert. They fit me perfectly and Robert has excellent taste in clothes. Robert gives me his shirts because at six two he weighs now 102 pounds and is wasting rapidly, so the shirts no longer fit and he has adjusted to the fact that he will never wear them again. I have never met Robert and I probably never will because Robert will be dead by the end of the year. His shirts come to me via Julee who lives, as a sort of den mother/Florence Nightingale on the first floor.
And thinking of Robert gets me thinking about Michael and many others whom I did know and who have passed on because of the plague. So there is a kind of continuity here. Medical marijuana probably would help Robert -- as it has helped others -- but he does not live in California where such a medication is allowed for the time being. Robert lives in a "Red state" and the courts are under attack and so he will die. He will die the same way people died by the thousands in the 80's -- via neglect, ignorance, intolerance and stupid discussions of stupid and useless "chastity" efforts overshadowed by the imbecilic chuckles of an incipient alzheimers-affected B-movie actor.
On the bright side, I am well outfitted with excellent shirts for the next quarter century. When the Revolution comes, I will be very well dressed. Always look on the brighter side of life.
I have another friend named Lin. "Lin," I said one day, "How is it that they beat you with baseball bats, breaking your arms and your legs and your skull and then left you to die on a Boston street in the snow, putting you into a coma for three days, and you still can invite me, a man, into your house as a friend?" Her response is purely pragmatic as it is filled with revelatory light. She is admirably unapolegetic about being a lesbian, but she has brothers and they are guys and not gay and the world is what it is. Better to live life to the fullest and savor the moments given than wallow in bitter despair.
And one can take some measure of comfort in recognizing one's own moral values. In my case, my values do not include attaching battery electrodes to a guy's genitals while making him stand on a box, hooded, and with arms outstretched for hours at a time. My values say this sort of thing is really sick and for anyone to even consider such a thing for any reason is repellent.
When the roof cracks open under the terrible Light and the immense Angel descends with a voice of thunder from Heaven to announce, "Prepare ye and arise Prophet! The Messenger has Come!" then you too, whoever you are, must recall your own morality or die groveling like a pitiful Roy Cohn who betrayed himself, denied the essence of who he was, and proved traitor to his own soul.
Now it seems it has gone past the witching hour and the midnight train howls across the wind-swept flats of Buena Vista and the old Beltline railway tracks. There is a tinge of frost on the air as we return to this place and this time. Lately, because of the winds, the air has been crystalline perfect and the sharp edges of the towers of Babylon have etched themselves clean against the sky across the water. In this time, the dock workers set up lights on the biggest cranes down at the harbor and the Embarcadero lights up the five buildings in outline as they do every year and the whole City sparkles with pearl strings of lights visible across the Bay.
Next weekend is the official opening of Xmas lane here, when the Official North Pole Postbox will be set up for expedited deliveries. Few know this, perhaps intentionally so, but every letter deposited in that box will be personally answered by The Man himself. For that is the way it is on the Island. Have a great week.
NOVEMBER 28, 2004
ART FOR SNARKS SAKE
Island-Life is ramping up its T-shirt line and production facilities. We are obtaining a large assortment of white and colored blanks, composing fresh designs and otherwise upscaling the operation. We have obtained a professional quality heat press and expect this will standardize as well as upgrade the quality of the multicolor designs. Stay tuned for further developments in this area.
ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGELocal celebrity, Natasha Miller will perform her distinctive brand of jazz on Saturday, 12/17 at the first Presbyterian Church in a benefit for the Midway Shelter for abused and homeless women and children. Suggested donations are $15 for this worthy cause and some original live music.
We at Island-Life encourage live music wherever it crops up, for its manifestation is a sign of life, vitality in the Commonweal, outbursts of sanity, and healthy good will persistent among the populace. And besides, its good for you.
HEAVY I SAY HEAVY
Rack up another point of fame for the island for local Art Ramsey just won the masters class world bench press title in a competition held in Athens Georgia. Ramsey pressed 513 pounds to claim the 45-49 age group Masters title.
Ramsey's victory is all the more remarkable in that he is recovering from a serious torn tricep injury suffered two years ago, resulting in a lower max weight for the competitor who still holds the record for the only person over 40 who has pressed over 600 pounds in a sanctioned meet in California.
HOW MANY WAYS CAN ONE SAY, "LADY, YOU ARE REALLY REALLY STUPID."A woman has confessed to starting a blaze that swept through four apartments at the Bessie Colman Court complex, displacing over 20 people. Investigators finally got the woman to fess up to accidentally tossing a lit match into a filled brandy snifter instead of the intended ashtray. She had been partying with her brother-in-law with the brandy -- plus rock cocaine. Her relative had left when the woman made her mistake, so high and/or drunk that she did not even realize what she had done until some unspecified time later she noted that heat had shattered the glass, starting a small fire.
Which this genius then attempted to extinguish with a glass of water. Which of course only spread the alcohol-fueled blaze to furnishings in the apartment.
The woman was arrested at the scene for being publicly drunk. She has an outstanding warrant against her for use of illegal narcotics.
Firefighters got the situation under control after a stiff twenty-minute battle and 1 injury for second-degree burns.
I, ROBOTBeing a computer professional over an extended period of time does provide occasional sources of spectacular humor, especially when hindsight comes violently into play. In one of our newsletters we came across this gem of a photo from a press briefing to Scientific American in 1952. At this affair, a mockup of the projected look of the Home Computer in the year 2004 is photographed with an appropriately nerdy official from the Rand Corporation. The caption mentions that the machine will be "easy to use with a teletype interface and FORTRAN language." Now the little bit of FORTRAN we learned in school caused nausea, hives and a powerful desire to throw over computing in favor of becoming a fish counter employed by the National Forestry Service.
Unfortunately no one is left alive to explain what the devil was the purpose of the big steering wheel.
POODLESHOOT REPORT
The Sixth Annual Island Poodleshoot and BBQ began sedately with none of the wildness experienced in prior years. Please note the events of the tumultuous year 2001. The shoot began promptly at dawn at the usual starting point out on the West End ferry landing with a nip from the flask, a toot from the official Horn of the Hunt and a rousing rendition of A Nation Again by the Homophile Boys Symphonic Orchestra.
Vicious rumors had been circulating that the grand old tradition of the Fox Hunt was about to be abolished throughout the British Isles by Parliamentary Order, had produced its own ripple of concern here for there are some, surprisingly so, who maintain that the notoriously vicious, savagely destructive, and inane poodle is actually an animal possessed of intelligence as well as complex feelings, although no one has gone so far as to allege any serious utility for this creature.
Its hideousness is generally acknowledged, for the atrociously barbered poodle is recognized by every sound and sane gentleman to be an affront to Nature, aesthetics, and the eye of God and therefore worthy of destruction.
Nevertheless, there are some, such as Reverend Rectumrod, who have asserted that the means is as questionable as attacking and destroying a foreign country solely to obtain control over its oil reserves.
Strike that last comment as being entirely inappropriate for the avowed nonpartisan Poodleshoot.
Still, there are those who have wondered just what do we have against poodles in particular. Surely the yappy Chihuahua or the unnecessarily surly and unpredictable pitbull are more contemptible.
No, the faults of these dogs reside with their contemptible owners, who deserve to be exterminated without appeal, and not in the nature of an animal which began free from taint. Note how the Chihuahua will attempt to finger-paint messages with the only medium available -- its own excrement -- in desperate plea for an SOS when constrained in a public kennel. But ownership is not the fault of the dog in this case. What sort of idiot would consent to ownership of such a foolish thing is beyond me and therefore we see the entire problem resides in the ownership. Left to themselves, it seems plain that the yappy Chihuahua would have long since either exterminated itself by way of nerves, or developed more sophisticated means of communication than described above.
As for pitbulls, a cursory examination of their owners reveals the lowest segment of society: criminals, vagabonds, lowriders, litigation attorneys, and such ilk. Is it any wonder that any animal turns bad in such vile company? Look ye upon a baby pitbull and you will not discover a more adorable creature in the Creation of Goddess. As in the Doberman, who starts off life well enough until some asshole has his ears clipped, the pitbull means no harm on the outset. Perhaps we should rename the breed to Fuzzy-Wuzzy, instead of the obvious vermin-magnet "pitbull".
The poodle, however, is born vile and develops with care and feeding into an abomination that encourages the worst aspects of human behavior, for wherever the poodle holds sway among humans, one finds intemperance, intolerance, poor artworks, viciousness, saccharin sentimentality, miserable aesthetics, and general inclination to foolishness. Here we have the unusual occurrence of the Animal corrupting the Human and we firmly believe that the poodle is not a true animal, but a third category to be called Spawn of Satan, among which we list poodles, Neo-Conservatives, and the Ebola Virus.
But to continue, the Poodleshoot began without a hint of trouble. Lately the air has turned crisp -- for Northern California -- turning all the leaves of the oaks along Grand Street and the evening air is scented with the smoke of long dormant fireplaces all over. Soon the air was filled with the sound of 12 gauge shotguns, the distinctive pop of 45 caliber rifles, the calling of hunters, "Poodle here!", and the occasional CRUMP! of the hand grenade and other surplus ordinance. One enterprising fellow used aluminum siding to fashion a couple mortars used with great effect down at the Point.
Mortars were forbidden within 1000 yards of the marina, owing to various errors of trajectory in previous years resulting in depletion of the Hunt Funds to pay for the unfortunate damages to several boots. One can only imagine the shocked surprise of all concerned at the time due to errant mortars.
Things went swimmingly until the BBQ started, when a contretemps developed between Rev. Rectumrod and Father Persnickety over the issue of Moral Values in re poodles. The Reverend maintained that 'twer better to say grace after the dispatch of the pup and before dining per Tradition, whereas the good Catholic Father Persnickety maintained that it were better to perform orisons prior to dispatch -- when possible -- in respect to a life taken (no matter how vile). The dispute soon fell to blows between the principals -- as so often happens between the followers of Martin Luther and those of the Pope -- and the matter required sturdy intervention by members of the party.
Meanwhile, down on the strand a brace of hunters headed by an enthusiastic Eugene Gallipagus encountered a party of UltraRight Neocons embedded in a party of Island DogWalkers and there ensued a pitched battle nigh unto 8th Street with the Neocons employing the usual methods of deception, subterfuge, feint and bother, against the straightforward cut and thrust of the Hunters, who resorted in close quarters to cutlass, rapier and impermeables.
A brace of Silvers, guarded by a stout resistance of Dogwalkers, took shelter as rain began to fall, upon the islet of Foofoo, nigh unto the Falafel Cafe.
Hearing of a possible containment of poodles and the infamous Osama Bin Lassie, Eugene Shrubb sent a detachment of weary Marine Bums dressed in colander helmets, vestments of jerkin, hauberks of wok, and leggings of worsted, from his investment of Newark to see about this issue.
Night fell as the Marines arrived in wind and rain to bivouac in the Washington park, and thus ended the first day of the Annual Poodleshoot.
The Second Day dawned with cloudy skies and intermittent rain, which yielded in the latter part of the day to clarity and dry weather, albeit some wind. Down by the little strip of water separating FooFoo from the Island, the Marines decided upon a full on assault with heavy weapons to eradicate such resistance as remained. The defenders there prudently removed themselves prior to the assault and so the barrage of bottle rockets, mortars, and empty bottles of Jack Daniels fell upon deaf or nonexistent ears. The battalion of Bums charged through the shallows to take the island and destroy the two poodle Toys which had incomprehensibly remained. There they stood and raised the flag upon the Islet, which measured some .1 x .1 acre in size, proclaiming a great triumph of Democracy. Everyone then repaired to McGraths to get thoroughly drunk.
Newark, however, has yet to hold a free Election.
Down by the Strand, however, things did not go well. Dan Rathernot, of the local cable channel We Be Us, was deceived and snubbed by the City Council and parties thought to be aligned with the Neo-con Poodle Support Party, while Missy Showslip, of the Foxy Network, was feted and well embedded with the most significant dignitaries.
As a result the reports from the battlefield are sketchy. We do know that Eugene's small party was beaten back by a phalanx of DogWalkers, Fire and Brimstone Preachers, and a large number of Christeen Shouters bearing bibles and terriers among them, and the hunters were driven nigh unto Crab Cove, site of the infamous Battle of the Bog in the year 2001. There the plucky warriors formed a shield wall about the children's trapeze set while the Christeen Shouters hurled imprecations of the most awful kind even as the terriers set up a most horrendous din. Several Homeboys playing B-Ball on the Courts there were advanced upon by a platoon of Ecumenicals threatening the Courts with dismay. Night fell mercifully quick and all repaired to their respective bivouacs. Thus ended the Second Day.
The Third Day began with the Preachers stirring from their camp to receive reinforcements in the form of bullhorns and pulpits mounted on wheels. Things did not look well for the besieged as a cold rain had fallen during the night and several members became afflicted with the catarrh and all their gunpowder was spent or damp.
But just as the Preachers had got their pulpits harnessed up to the terriers for quick feint and dodge drive-by sermons, and the sun peered forth on the cold morn and the clouds rolled back from His Face not unlike the stone set before the tomb of the Great Holy Roller Himself for it was said, perhaps in a movie, "Look to Me on the Third Day". Then, across the sward there came a troop of Ecumenicals dressed to the nines in collars and habits and bearing crucifixes that glittered in the sun with great majesty and there were Bishops and Ministers among them. From far off Boston and New York and the distant sunless lands of Toronto they came, the Liberal Clergy, proceeded by the indomitable and well armored Popemobile.
The Liberal Clergy fell upon the Arch Conservatives with a great disputation and there was a tremendous thumping of bibles to be heard. First this way then that the battle raged and the warriors of the field were not unlike the leaves of grass bent by the wind. Eugene ran down to the Cove and threw himself in, there to be Saved by a Liberal Evangelical who baptized there on the spot. The crucifixes were used with terrible potency as battle-axes and the nuns employed steel-weighted rosaries with awful effect, slinging them about their heads and smacking them upon the pates of the prelates with Amazonian war cries.
Then, from the West, there arose a great shout and into the fray marched the Wiccans of Marin, casting spells and putting the fear of the pre-Xian Spirit into everyone. Then there was confusion among the Neo-Cons upon the pronouncements of Malthus and of Vico and Moses Maimonides. and others besides, for the Neo-Cons never had much of a grasp of History to begin with and they were sorely unprepared to debate these issues and they were sore perplexed.
Just then the Popemobile was overturned upon a charge of pederasty-- fortunately after the Holy Rider had already disembarked -- and there was confusion and dissent among the Clergy with a great deal of milling about the palms of Washington Park, with a lot of rending of garments and sackcloth and ashes. During this melee, several poodles were aided in escape in the company of several visiting Japanese schoolgirls and the Hunters also took this opportunity to flee back to the ferry landing where all remarked that it was the most sanctified of all the Poodleshoots ever held, and many were drenched by the copious buckets of holy water which had been thrown.
They were soon joined by the Wiccans, who have no taste for religious disputation, or violence for that matter, and the company adjourned to McRaths for a round of drinks and celebration and thanks for having escaped a Fire and Brimstone fate. Thus ended the Sixth Annual Poodleshoot in the Year of Our Lord, 2004.
IN THE LAND OF THE LOST THE ONE-EYED MAN WITH MAPS IS KING
Well, we hope you have a surfeit of turkeys by now. We are all off and slouching through another grim four years -- but that hardly means we must abandon all sense of humor. Vitriol will only get you so far and we note at least one improvement: Steve Dallas has returned to the funny pages in the comic strip Opus. Steve was always an obnoxious blowhard, but he always funny to laugh at. We are not the first to note that the next few years are likely to produce some of the best music, best painting, best theater and best artwork this country has ever seen, for art does its best in bad times of tyranny and financial distress. While Opus might not be High Art exactly, Humor and Comedy can be and we all will definitely need a lot of that in the troubled times to come.
So buck up fellas. As a Great Man once sang upon the cross some two thousand years ago, "Life's a sack of Shit/ When you look at It / So always look on the brighter side of Life / Ta Da! Dum tee dum dum!"
We don't like to dwell upon misery here on the Island. It makes for bad vibes and spoils the houseplants. We would much rather abjure the poodles and sit down to a very good BBQ. And just to be fair -- even to poodles, we have here a found bit of Literature. We have here an example of -- rather florid -- 18th century
