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The
Hi-way Sofa  While returning from their last delivery, Bob & Hank came across
what appeared to be a living-room sofa straddling two lanes of Route 101. The two of them
stepped out of the cab to inspect this object which stretched at least a good twelve feet
across the freeway. Something about the thing begged Hank to touch it and as he stroked
the cool fabric, a little voice seemed to whisper, "Try me."
So, Hank dropped down onto the sofa, the sofa that straddled two lanes of interstate
101, and a kind of marvelous ease flowed through him, a kind of warm, pleasant, comfy,
delightful feeling. It was the most comfortable sofa in which he had ever sat in his life.
He curled his toes and stretched out his legs, sinking deeper as the sofa whispered to him
of t.v. evenings, beer, football on late Sunday autumn afternoons with the cold wind
outside and the sound of the pigskin and all the cares of the world far, far away.
This was no ordinary sofa; this was the Sofa of All Desire.
Once wrapped into this sofa, all wishes appear to be granted and comfort overtakes all
other preoccupations. Once you settle into this sofa, you will find the idea of going
anywhere else a foolish idea; you will gradually find it impossible to leave.
Bob, however, had not sat in the sofa. The sofa whispered, beckoned to Bob, but Bob had
been married and divorced, losing a house, car, kids, his health and his dog, and he would
have nothing of this sofa at all. Furthermore, he did not even own a t.v. and this is what
saved him. For without a t.v., for what does one need a sofa?
The sofa suggested, promised, cajoled, weedled, mentioned overnight guests, lively
bachelor activities, potential gratifications of the lower chakras, and . . . tremendous
ease. For answer, Bob put on his moving gloves and attempted to shove the sofa containing
the softly sighing Hank off of the Interstate. The thing shifted a couple inches, then
settled down even heavier than before.
A strange luminosity shone from the sofa; it appeared to glow brighter and brighter
with an otherworldly radiance as if radioactive until Bob thought the thing would fly up
into space or perform incredible magic.
But the sofa was not really glowing at all; sofas do not glow or fly. Such a thing
would be unrealistic. What Bob saw was the reflection off of the satin fabric of
approaching trucks on the freeway behind him.
Bob implored Hank to get up, but Hank could not. Hank had entered the 2nd story house
of his dreams on a winning lotto ticket and was being served tapas in front of a big
screen 36-inch color sonitron by a brunette wearing little more than fishnet stockings.
The glow brightened quickly.
Bob grabbed Hank by the ears and pulled at his two-hundred pound partner, whose eyes
remained closed, a contented half-smile upon his lips, as the radiant sofa threw back
their shadows.
"God-damn, you'd think all them road taxes would keep stuff like this clear of the
freeway," grunted Bob.
At this, Hank's eyes snapped open and he jumped up, his face turning purple with
outrage. "Not one more penny!" he shouted.
The two of them hurried to the shoulder, just as an 18 wheel Roadway Express blasted
through at sixty-five miles per hour. A flash as of nuclear fission blinded the two of
them, and when they could see again, no trace of the sofa remained.
Although neither one of the two ever personally saw the sofa again, the airwaves
cracked for a long time afterwards with warnings over the shortwave from different parts
of the Bay Area. One week it would be Sunnyvale. Another week, someone claimed to have
seen it approaching Pleasanton. Always there were these rumors of the sofa's appearance
late at night after the last run to dog-weary men and women coming home after working the
swing-shift, and the ominously named "graveyard."


Copyright 1996 by owen mould. All
rights reserved. Conditional permission to
download this material is granted provided this material is printed, copied and/or stored
on electronic media for personal use only. Additional information can be obtained by
contacting the address listed below.
OWEN MOULD
PO BOX 1303
ALAMEDA, CA
94501
OMOULD@EARTHLINK.NET
ALL CHARACTERS DEPICTED HEREIN ARE ENTIRELY
FICTIONAL. ANY RESEMBLENCE TO ACTUAL PERSONS
OR ALIENS, WHETHER LIVING OR DEAD IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL. |