NEWARK INVASION UPDATE
April 4, 2004
The latest scuttlebutt has it that Eugene Shrubb is running into a bit of trouble over his invasion of Newark. Seems there never were WMD's in Newark and the whole thing was a farce concocted by Jasmine Rice and Colin McPowerful to engage the massive power of the Bums for personal gain and ideological satisfaction. In the distant past, when the "Domino Theory" caused a fair amount of damage and loss of life to no particular useful end, people simply disregarded facts and such, and simply did what they wanted, only sacrificing the President as a cost of doing business. Richard Nixon, after all, was only a scummy little dickhead without any important family to speak of, and so was easily dispensed with, as opposed to those who really run things.
As evidence, we see these same people running the country about as badly as always.
But Eugene Shrubb, President of the Army of the Bums in the Bay Area has invaded Newark with disastrous consequences. Daily attacks upon his coalition of bums and advisors have caused some extreme retrenchment, and it turns out many of the coalition never wanted to be there in the first place. Now we are hearing that Butte County wants to withdraw its forces until the United Nations takes over. And recent elections in Inyo County indicate a shift in popular opinion from, "we disagree but what can we do" to " fuck you assholes, you all are a bunch of liars."
This appears to send a message to Sacramento. Where the Governator is busy trying to circumvent the Constitution as so much bother.
For those of you late into this business, let us recap: March of last year Eugene Shrubb led an army of bums gathered from the onramps and half-way houses of the Bay area and invaded Newark on charges that Newark presented a clear and immanent danger to the Bay Area in its possession of Weapons of Mass Doo Doo., in the form of evil poodles.
Some felt these charges to be ridiculous. Others felt that the recent attacks upon the USA required sudden response and action that was, if stupid, at least better than nothing.
We had a friend whose bicycle was stolen and in response the man took his shotgun and blew out the streetlights and destroyed the corner mailbox, which gave him much satisfaction, but which failed to return the stolen article or punish the actual thief.
It seems current policy is directed along similar lines. Stay tuned for developments.