MAY 23, 2004

Much is being said about virtually every case and side which is NOT on behalf of George Bush, while Bushy and Co. have responded with typical laconic parsimony, leaving most of only to guess just what might -- or might not -- be going on inside Georgie's head.

Some, including George himself, would claim that there is nothing to discuss, but we feel that is a bit abrupt and inadvertently self-deprecating. Hence, we at Island-life went in search of a Genuine Conservative who was willing to discuss anything at all in a manner that is above red-faced shrieking. Which seems to be the general mode of political discourse these days on both sides of the fence.

In fact, we were extremely lucky to find not only a Genuine Conservative, but an alternative candidate to the GOP ticket in the familiar form of one Babar the Elephant. Few represent the solid, unwavering and distinctly Conservative values quite as well as Babar, whom we interviewed as he was putting on, in a characteristically conservative move, his second pair of pants.

At first we were a bit put out by the prospect that Babar might NOT run for President. A member of Congress, whose name must remain incognito, exhorted the King to consider seriously the offer being tendered by certain members of the RNC and to consider the numerous advantages he had over the incumbent. Babar represented in faith and mind an insistence upon a balanced budget, moderate spending within means, downsizing of government, repudiation of foreign adventures and solid business acumen, none of which values or goals are expressed or pursued by the incumbent administration.

Furthermore, the symbol of the GOP provided clear evidence that Babar was clearly born for the job, and this right by birth sort of thing is looked upon with great favor by all true Conservatives, who have lamented the worldwide dissolution of aristocracies everywhere as signs of cultural rot. The fact that Babar was a King no less, virtually cinched his success from the Blue Haired Ladies of Boston Society to the White Gloved Madam's Association of Frisco.

"Mais, les gens, et un Elephant, etrangeres, ne peux pas devenier un President des Etats Unis!", objected Babar.

The Representative hastened to assure His Excellency that such obstacles were easily overcome, and that such notables as James Bond had been granted distinction as Citizens without a great deal of bother.

There remain certain other difficulties to iron out, but the whole thing was pushed forward in typical Conservative style, by ignoring the majority and pursuing the most reasonable course to accomplish what had already been decided upon by those who know how to get things done properly.

Campaign literature presents the following information, which is provided entirely as a service to Island-life readers in compliance with the fair-reporting act.

"King Babar is a charming and charismatic elephant. He brought his love of the city back to the great forest and built the beautiful, happy kingdom of Celesteville. Though he is a dedicated ruler and world traveler, Babar is happiest when picnicking at the lakefront with his family or joining in the antics of his lively children."


Paid for by the Babar for American President Campaign.